Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre   F

Year Released: 2000
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Director: Tim Beckley
Writer: Tim Beckley
Cast: Debbie Rochon, Tanya Harsh, Mellissa, Persephone, DiDi Delicious, Zane Ka, Jeannene Scofield, Mr. Creepo.

Another winning title from Mr. Creepo's World of Horrors! Just when I thought movies couldn't get any worse than Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires, along comes Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre to reassure me that movies can reach depths of atrociousness rarely imagined by the human mind.

Seven strippers cut loose on a weekend getaway at a big old house near the beach. There's a creepy lighthouse nearby, supposedly haunted. There's also a demented killer on the loose, with a hook for a hand. And a disastrous hurricane is on the way. That's a completely acceptable (if entirely unoriginal) premise for an exploitable slasher flick -- it promises blood, violence, and probably a good amount of T&A. But the shot-on-video Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre is so embarrassingly inept, you want to scream at the television screen and ask everyone what the hell they were thinking while making this wretched thing.

First of all, the killing doesn't even start until a grueling 50 minutes into the movie. This might have been okay if there had been something else to keep our interest in the meantime -- such as a story or interesting characters. But, of course, that would be too much to ask, now wouldn't it? Instead, we're forced to watch seven strippers sitting around a house and spouting really bad and probably improvised dialogue; playing twister and taking their tops off; going to the beach and bouncing a beach ball off their breasts; and playing around in a rundown funhouse. Oh -- and we get to watch one of the girls get her nipple and tongue pierced. What fun!

I just wish there had been some attempt at characterization, but all the girls are pretty much interchangeable -- and boring, unattractive, and not too likable. Even B-movie starlet Debbie Rochon couldn't provide the much-needed spark to save this one. Watching this disaster, you keep praying for the hook-handed killer to pop up and start murdering those stupid chicks (please pardon my frankness). Once the much-delayed bloodshed does begin, you'll likely find yourself laughing at how amateurish it all is. It's poorly shot and directed, with badly dubbed in screaming and worse-than-porn level acting. You'll breathe a sigh of relief once it's over, reminding yourself that it's only a bad, bad movie and you never have to watch it ever again.

If there's one near-classic moment in Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre, it would have to be the half-hearted attempt at humor in one of the murder scenes. After one girl is beheaded in a hot tub, her terrified and topless friend picks up her head and says, "This is not what I meant when I said I wanted to get ahead in life!"

Funny line. Bad, bad movie.

Review published 06.16.2000.

Read our Interview with Debbie Rochon.

Follow Michael Scrutchin on Twitter or Letterboxd.

Flipside Movie Emporium (FlipsideArchive.com)
© 2000-2008 Flipside Movie Emporium. All rights reserved.